Keep Breathing
by AbominableDante
Summary: The first part is related more or less directly to the Saiyuki Reload manga, volume 7, chapter 32 ‘Even A Worm 19 ’. Goku looses his diadem, Hakkai almost looses his life, and Gojyo nearly looses both his friends.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: **Wrote and edited in less than four hours. My beta has apparently dropped off the face of the planet, so all errors in spelling, grammar and verb tense are mine, and I will be horrified upon later reading when I recognize my mistakes. Please be patient with me; I'm only just getting my life back on track after a really shittastic winter.

I'll be publishing more work soon, as it's coming up on the last five weeks of classes and I'm going to need a distraction. I have several other stories in the works (in my files, still dusty, but in the process of being writ), and a second chapter to this story already finished.

Regarding 'Keep Breathing'; it is a two-part story. The first part is related more or less directly to the Saiyuki Reload manga, volume 7, chapter 32 'Even A Worm [19]'. I do not claim absolute continuity with the text, in case you're as anal retentive as I am and check up after me (as I do on other stories), but I tried. I left my edition at my parents' house and had to use mangafox's translation for a reference. I'm terribly sorry. I also apologize for the decided lack of detail as compared to my past works. Like I said, I wrote this in about four hours, mostly out of boredom, and it's not the best I've ever produced.

All that said, we shall now move on. Please enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Saiyuki Reload or any of the characters therein. I have used the characters and plotline for my enjoyment only and have made no money off the production of this particular piece of shit writing. If someone offered me money, though, I cannot promise that I would turn them down (it's tax season, after all).

**Warnings: **Language, violence, bad writing, decidedly less sexual suggestion than I usually put in and the resulting disappointment of thousands of imaginary readers.

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**Keep Breathing: Chapter 1

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**I thought things had gone to hell when Goku stopped breathing. I can admit in retrospect that we all panicked, even Hakkai. So perhaps it was a good thing that Sanzo ran off, to chase whatever phantasms he'd seen attack our boy, because Goku would've torn him to shreds after the diadem was removed. Humans were like that to youkai claws, paper to scissors.

It always shocked me how fast Goku moved when he'd lost his mind, much faster than the little ape usually tossed himself around in a fight. I already knew that taunting him was a bad idea for my health, but it was either that or let him hack and slash at random villagers. They couldn't help being there, and they tried to get away. And when those gold eyes finally focused on me, I wished I could evaporate. If there was ever anytime where I was happy to be half youkai, it was then, and every time our crazed Goku landed his vicious eyes on me. I could take a beating, and there was always hope that someone else might step in before he killed me.

I was pretty sure that things couldn't get much worse then that moment, and it took me too long to gather enough wits to realize that he'd gone after something else. Disappeared again with that creepy swiftness lent by some kind of demonic force. I thought things were bad enough, but it was Hakkai who made my heart stop beating from terror.

Thin finger, so evidently weak, reached up to unclasp the limiters on his ears. He was muttering about being the only one able to stop Goku now, about going berserk and how I had to stop him if he did. How I had to kill him if he went crazy. The very thought made my skin crawl, and watching the last limiter drop away was like seeing hell, when one is too horrified to even scream.

Black hair flared out like a halo and settled in wild tresses, on thin shoulders. He was still so slender; his strength was wiry, but his youkai mark warped every part of his skin, vines stretching out like fingers. The only human part of him that remained was the false eye, still shining green and round-pupiled under the fall of his hair. One last look, and he was off, his and Goku's movements blurred like a swarm of bees. I bent to pick the limiters out of the dirt, fingers feeling around so my eyes never left the green patch that was my friend, fighting whatever was left of our Goku.

And where the fuck was Sanzo? That bastard had run off when we could've used him. Sure as I was that he could be easily damaged, the man did have his uses. No one could get Goku to obey orders like Sanzo could, though there was no telling how that would go over in this moment. I was more worried about Hakkai. If he lost himself now, he wasn't like Goku; he wouldn't come back from it. He'd be crazy forever, bloodthirsty and cruel and dangerous forever. And he would have to die.

And I would have to do it. Another reason to want Sanzo there…at least if Hakkai had to die, I could blame it on the priest instead of having to live with it myself. There was no question in my mind that there was no 'living with it'. We were too close; Hakkai was as much my sanity as he was my friend.

The fight went on, and on, and on, with more blood spilt and houses damaged and bones broken than I cared to measure. I could barely focus, though the Westerners seemed fascinated. The blonde and his giant made my skin crawl; it was damned unnatural what they did, and I knew what they'd try if either one of my friends died. Neither Hakkai nor Goku deserved such a fate, and I was beginning to think that no youkai deserved it.

Then Goku was down, finally, and I grabbed for Hakkai's arms to make sure he didn't kill the boy. He turned, fist hurtling toward my face. But he stopped himself before it broke my nose, his sanity coming back to him in an instant, and he stared at me, stunned at how close he'd come to loosing it.

"I-I'm sorry." They were his words, but not his voice. It was guttural, rough as a cough. And he was moving before I could reply, standing between me and the hit the monster that was Goku had aimed at me.

"Hakkai!" He was bleeding from somewhere on the inside, I could smell it on his breath. But he didn't answer, turned away from me to speak to the priest. He had some idea now, one I was sure I didn't like. Swiftly as I could open my mouth, he had rounded on me, silencing me with a look. Once again, I could only stand aside and watch, and pray.

The vines on his skin moved to his will, caught hold of Goku's ankle before he could escape, wrapping around Hazel's giant's gun. He stood between them, a conduit, and I finally grasped his thinking. Before I could move, though, he had acted. Lighting blinded us all for a moment, the crack of it made our ears ring. I stumbled forward, shoved the diadem down over Goku's head where it belonged and let out a shaky sigh of relief.

The smell of singed hair and flesh wafted toward me. And Hazel was getting too damn close for my liking.

"He's not breathing." Observationally, as if he hadn't passed words with Hakkai so civilly just minutes ago.

"Then move, asshole," I snarled, heart skipping fast again, mind racing. Turning him over, palms pressing against his ribs and trying to get his heart going again, I realized I had no idea what I was doing. It was always Hakkai who did the healing, who saved lives. "Help me out here, Hakkai!"

And Hazel was reaching for his pendant, ready to take Hakkai's soul for his demented little experiments. I would've broken his hands if it didn't mean leaving Hakkai to die.

"He's not dead yet, you psychopath. Get away from him!"

Clawed fingers twitched, and all at once I could feel the life come back to the corpse that lay under my hands. Heart thrummed to life, slamming itself against his ribs too fast, and lungs shuddered, tossing out blood as he coughed and gasped. I held onto his shirt, near tears with relief, every breath shaky as if laced with sympathy pains for my pale and bleeding ally.

"Goku?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but he needn't have spoken louder in the silence that reined the area.

"He's back to normal."

And then he smiled, that knowing smile he always wore when he caught me doing something embarrassing. He might've done more to tease me, but he couldn't move; death had sucked all but the barest flicker of energy from his form. But he was alive, and he was trying to be comforting, even when he could barely keep his eyes open.

"Why are you making that face?"

I could feel the warm wet sliding down my cheeks, streaking the dust that had settled like a mask over my face. I didn't care; I was barely holding it together as it was.

"Shut up, you. Just stop talking." I had to get him to a healer before he bled out.

He felt too light when I picked him up, like a husk of himself that was not fully filled anymore. It was hard, keeping a hold on him when I bent to haul Goku under my arm, but I managed. The boy, at least, had some weight to him, and his deep, even breaths were something of a relief. He'd healed perfectly, and didn't seem to have taken much damage from electrocution. But there was no telling for certain if it hadn't done something to his brain until he woke up.

The scuff of sandals moving out of an alley got my attention, and I turned, glaring. I knew the man's scent before catching sight of his hair, his clothes that were perpetually white despite constant travel. He looked very honestly petrified, in a way I couldn't remember seeing before. But I couldn't feel pity right now, not when he'd left us in our most needful moment.

"Sorry, dick," I muttered, unable to manage more derision than that of a tired worker at the end of the day. "But I've got my hands full, so I can't beat you senseless right now."

He didn't bother to reply, didn't bother to try and help carry Goku as I passed. He said nothing, just stared forward as if still in shock. I didn't care if he followed or not, but I hoped that he burned with shame.

It was Hazel's voice that made me realize what happened next, helped me understand that Sanzo was abandoning us for good. Sanzo wouldn't come with us, I knew, not anymore.

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_Fin Chapter 1_

_Please Review_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: **Here is the second and final installation of 'Keep Breathing'. This is the part I took as a liberty of what happened right after the fight.

Please enjoy.

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**Keep Breathing: Chapter 2

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**It was not long after tucking Goku into bed with unnecessary care that the doctor stepped out of the room Hakkai occupied and locked the door. The old man glanced up at me, the bags under his eyes dark from sleepless overwork of caring for a village of injuries, and sighed. I felt my lips twitch, the flicker of a smile, but the man's expression gave me little reason to manage more than that.

"A punctured lung from one of two broken ribs; I managed to set them and to get the bleeding to stop, so he won't die. There was quite a lot of blood loss, and many of the flesh wounds I had to overlook treating with more than herbs and bandages to fix the internal damage. He's sleeping now, and he needs as much rest as possible, but it will take some time for everything to heal."

My throat clenched, but I managed a soft 'thank you' as my shaking fingers counted out the money into his hand. He left silently, and I ducked into Hakkai's room, dark but for the guttering candle on the nightstand. The light fell gently on pale skin, long ears, dark hair, and though I listened for any usual sound, his breathing was silent. No fluid spilling into his lungs now, no racing pulse; just quiet sleep, healing sleep. The limiters were still in my pocket, because I wasn't sure if it was youkai power alone that kept Hakkai alive, or his strength of will.

I edged toward the bed and sat in a low chair, propping my elbows on the quilts beside his ghostly arm. Time felt as still as the room around us, the quiet moment lasting too long before my control broke, shattering the quiet. My gut clenched, threatened to throw up water I'd swallowed after the battle and bile, and tremors that shook from my very bones took hold. I bit my lip, holding back the keening sound I could feel in my throat and hot, fat tears rolled down my cheeks in a rush.

I'd nearly lost them both; Goku, Hakkai.

I'd nearly lost Hakkai. My Hakkai; strong, loving, idealistic Hakkai. The very idea of a life without him, my best friend, all but family now, made it all that much harder to bear. And though I had tried to stay quiet, I must have woken him. A hand, slender, graceful despite a raptor's claws gripped mine, and unfocused eyes watched my face. He looked genuinely worried now, not used to seeing me quite this freaked out.

"Gojyo…" His voice was a little stronger, at least, but still breathy. "It's all right. Calm down. I'm all right, really. Deep breaths."

He sounded so like himself then, so gentle it was almost patronizing, and I could feel myself obey, unconscious of the effort. It took several minutes, but the shakes that had taken me finally reduced themselves to the occasional shiver, attributed only to the chill on the back of my sweaty neck and arms. I held on to his hand, tight as I dared, unwilling to let him move a single inch away from me. He didn't try anymore, the first time more than enough to prove that he had no strength left and that any attempt brought on another fit of trembling from my core.

"You weren't all right," I finally whispered, the fear finally stepping aside for my anger. The tone of my voice made him flinch and look away. "You were dead. You were fucking dead, Hakkai, and that lunatic priest was going to take your soul. I know what you were thinking, that we needed to stop Goku, but not at that cost."

"Would you rather have had him tearing up the countryside and killing people?" he asked, so perfectly reasonable I had to check the urge to smack him.

"Yes." And I could tell the answer shocked him. And tested his temper. His face was not as controlled in his youkai form, and I was accomplished at reading his moods in the past years.

"What good would that do, when we're on this mission to stop needless death?" he snarled, hand sliding out of mine and nails grazing over my palm, opening shallow gashes. I cursed and jerked away.

"I didn't exactly come because I love and want to save the fucking world, Hakkai, and you know it. Who would ever want to save a world that hates them? I'm not that stupid."

"You're some kind of stupid," he snapped. "To let yourself get dragged across the continent at the whim of some bad-tempered priest for a feat you don't even fully support."

"I came because of you." He looked up again, green eyes flashing with fury as they finally focused on me. His face was tight, but it didn't seem like he had a good retort for that, so I continued. "You're my best friend, Hakkai. I'm not about to let you go off on adventures just because you owe that bastard priest, not alone at least. Someone's got to watch your back, because Sanzo sure as hell isn't!"

"He's helped us out of any number of fights, and you know it."

"Yeah, and he up and abandoned us this time, like puppies on the side of the road. Great leadership there. He left us all, even the kid, and went off with that Hazel freak."

He blinked, absorbing this, and I dug the limiters out of my pocket. Rising to my feet, I dropped the little silver cuffs onto the nightstand, and let my hair fall into my face, obscuring my disgusted expression.

"He left?"

"Sanzo party's broken up, that's for damn sure."

"Why?"

"Who cares?" I snarled. "He's gone, and Goku's in a fucking coma, and you nearly got yourself killed!"

"Gojyo, calm down…"

"Promise me you won't do that again," I ordered, slumping to my knees and over the bed, grasping his body hand in mine. "Swear you won't do something that fucking stupid again. We'll find some other way to deal with Goku, if that happens again, but if you die…I'm fucking screwed."

"You know I can't promise that; it's not like I planned it."

"You scared the shit out of me, Hakkai. Just say you'll never do it again."

"You're asking me to lie, Gojyo."

"Then lie!"

It felt like minutes had passed at an agonizing crawl, but he was too weak and too tired to do anything but relent to my demand. Eyes fell shut with a sigh, and his fingers tightened briefly around my hand.

"All right. I'll…try to avoid future events with that much danger, and try to think of alternatives in case they prove unavoidable." Grassy green opened again, met my gaze with a trace of annoyance. "That will have to be good enough."

"It's good enough." It was the best I was ever likely to get from him, but it was still reassuring. I could feel my muscles unclench, the last of my shaking fade away, and exhaustion finally seeping in as adrenaline left. I set my head down on the quilt and sighed, letting myself relax for the first time in hours.

"Don't fall asleep there, Gojyo. There's a whole half of the bed on my other side; use that."

"I'm kind of afraid to sleep," I murmured, my face still buried in the quilt. I felt his fingers in my hair, nails against my scalp, deceptively gentle for all the damage I knew they could do. "You might not be here when I wake up. It's gonna give me nightmares for sure."

"Where would I go, if I could actually drag myself out of bed to get there?" I could hear a soft chuckle, and felt myself smile in reply. "You're being childish, Gojyo. More than you're wont to be. You'll feel better after you get some sleep. And I'll be here when you wake up."

I met his gaze with a half-grin, one eye closed like a pleased cat might do when he nails grazed my temple, pushed my hair out of my face.

"Promise?"

He chuckled again, his voice still harsh in his throat, and pressed fingertips against my pulse.

"Yeah, I can promise you that."

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_Fin Keep Breathing_

_Please Review

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_**To My Readers: **

**akemi-sensei: **Thank you, very, very much!

**SemperVenice****: **Yeah, you're right, I can't really remember all that many either. Interesting. All of a sudden I find myself looking out for other fics with Hakkai wounded in them…Thank you for reviewing, I'm very happy you liked the story.

**Hanamaru****: **Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.


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